15 Days And Counting
It’s been 15 days since I last had caffeine. I’m not ready to kill anyone, although I came close to it at 7-Eleven this morning and afternoon.
It’s strange, I don’t mind the taste of caffeine free diet pop…honestly I can barely tell a difference. But for some reason I know that I’m missing out on something and it bugs me. Slowly, quietly, incessantly: “This is just temporary, two weeks is good enough, have a diet Coke, it’s no big deal.” I like to say that I stopped because I was giving myself an anxiety disorder. Really I was just exaggerating normal school stress, but it sounds so much more interesting as a disorder. I started clenching my jaw so hard that I would wake up with sore teeth, afraid I had a cavity, even with the rubber bite plate in my mouth. Yep, I already wear a rubber bite plate thingy at night so that I don’t grind my teeth all flat like those island guys in Endless Summer. That started when I began this stressful life many refer to as “graduate school.” So there I was, drinking caffeinated beverages to get through classes, meetings, supervisions, testings, homework and giving myself an anxiety disorder.
On to being close to killing at 7-Eleven. Ok, so in case you don’t know, I’m a pacifist. Another thing you may or may not know: it’s Lent. As a Quaker (really a Friend, but better known to the world as a Quaker) I don’t get into ritual for ritual’s sake. Many of my friends celebrate rituals (and I am not accusing them of losing the meaning, I do believe they celebrate these rituals for the right reasons) like Lent and they were trying to figure out what I need to give up. Finally, someone stumbled upon it: pacifism. I need to give up non-violence for Lent. Hmm. I thought about randomly attacking people on the street and in malls, but decided that would cause legal problems that I really wouldn’t enjoy. But if I was provoked, could even label it as self defense, then maybe I could really get in some gratuitous violence!
So I arrived at my practicum (read neuropsychological testing done for free, I mean experience) site early and decided to pop into 7-Eleven up the street to satisfy my psychological addiction to drinking pop* (even non-caffeinated pop). So I walk in to the store where I have purchased caffeine free Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke on several occasions. What do I find? Empty. Crap. The only thing I could find that would suit my needs: Diet 7-Up. I haven’t drank this stuff since I was 9….well, I’d feel like an idiot walking into 7-Eleven and not being able to find something to buy, so I buy it. I mean, really, who can’t find something to buy at a 7-Eleven on a Monday morning?!? So I drank it, and it wasn’t horrible. I began to wonder if I could justify random violence because I couldn’t find a non-caffeinated pop of the brown variety. First the Twinkie Defense and now the “Where’s My Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi/Coke? Defense”! I think it could work.
Certainly they’d have more selection by lunch. So I walked up the hill again. I saw the Pepsi truck parked promisingly outside, like a homing beacon. “You will find it here, young caffeine-free drinker!” I walked in, smiling at the counter-guy who scowled at me and walked into the back yelling at the Pepsi-guy that he left some crates behind. Over to the glass display case brimming full of…..regular…diet……more diet. WHERE’S MY CAFFEINE FREE?!? Nowhere to be found. Instead, they replaced the spots normally filled by my wonderful golden labeled, no caffeine added, libations, with brightly colored caffeinated varieties. So I grabbed another Diet 7-Up, paid and walked outside. Halfway back down the hill I realize it’s not even Diet 7-Up.
Crap.
* Yes, I call it pop. Not soda pop, not soda….pop. You can argue semantics all you want, it will always be pop in my book.
