Ahh, the greatest insult someone with out of control kids can throw at anyone offering help, or even just looking at them. “Do YOU have any kids?” Of course the expected response is “No”, at which point they launch into a diatribe about how nobody without kids could ever be of any help. If the person says yes, then obviously they just got the genetic jackpot and ended up with naturally well mannered children.
Ugh.
Ok, so here’s my big question: Since when does having something qualify you as an expert in the field? Since when does having kids elevate you above anyone else who may study kids and work with them extensively, but doesn’t have any of their own?
Do we apply this standard to other areas? Is there some medical revolution happening that I don’t know about where only doctors who have suffered from cancer can treat cancer patients? Are we psychologists limited to treating illnesses we have personally suffered from? Are honorary degrees being given out to people who have things saying that they now are experts in dealing with said things? Now, don’t misconstrue what I’m saying, people who have children (or whatever else we’re talking about) are going to have a different understanding about the difficulties involved in raising children. Academia can be quite removed from the “real world” (another phrase I’m sick and tired of hearing), but that doesn’t discount the knowledge acquired therein. These same people who rant and rave go on Nanny 911 and are dumbfounded when the nanny can make their children behave in a week. No, all children cannot be made to obey by good parenting, there are oppositional/defiant children, but there are a huge number who are terrors because of bad parenting.
In case you’re wondering, this was inspired by a trip to Fred Meyer to buy groceries today. As I’m checking out this woman with two children (baby girl and 6-7 year old boy) is obviously frustrated with her boy. He’s begging for more junk food, and over the course of 3 minutes she goes from “No, we need to get some real food to eat” to “Don’t you f***ing touch me, I’m so f***ing sick of your sh**. Every f***ing time we come here you pull this sh**….” Cue baby wailing. See mom completely ignore baby and older boy. And I guarantee if someone (even in a non-blow-out time) suggested different parenting methods she would flip out.
Oh, and yes…I’m being a bit defensive about my profession. But let it be known that I do not consider myself an expert in working with kids, and have little training in the area. I’m more speaking up for the general attitude I see in many parents coming in for help where my friends work. Even parents who come in for services!
Welcome to the United States of America.
I have so much respect for AA and the people who work the steps.
As part of my Substance Abuse class we have to attend three AA meetings, and I went to my first one tonight. Sitting in the room I just felt a sense of awe for the strength it takes to become sober. How many non-addicts out there have taken a personal inventory of all the people you’ve wronged in your life and then sought to make amends wherever possible? That’s a tall bill for me, and I’m only 25! I was happy in my heart for those willing to begin the process, those who’re making the effort through the process, and those who sponsor others through. I really would like to attend a Rule #62 meeting for the different atmosphere, but the only one here meets at a time I cannot attend.
How much better would this world be if we all adopted some of the axioms from AA? One of the profound things I heard tonight was based on the “one day at a time” idea. A woman shared her nightly prayer, that if God (if you’re not familiar with AA, that’s some sort of higher power however you understand him/her to be) has something important for her to do tomorrow that she’d wake up. At the end of the day she looked back on her actions to see if she made use of any opportunities that were given her, and understood that often she wouldn’t know what the important thing she had done was. I need to incorporate this into my own life, it certainly helps me get out of the selfish mindspace I fight so often.
Even backing down from that scale, how much more witness would the Christian community be if we adopted the accepting, nurturing, challenging stance that AA groups have? Instead of telling people how horrible they are and that they need to “repent or go to hell”, what if we openly acknowledged our rampant sinfulness/selfishness (as AA members do whenever they speak to the group…”My name is ____ and I’m an alcoholic”), embraced people with love and acceptance, and then gave them the opportunity to embrace God? Of course, there are a number of Christians with this attitude, it’s just unfortunate that those are not the popular representatives of Christianity. Instead we have hateful, judgemental, heretics using God and Christianity to make money and exert power and influence broadcasting their form of “Christianity” into millions of homes every hour of every day. Is it any wonder people are disillusioned and resentful of Christians? Is it any wonder I’m a Quaker?!?
Started as info and goodness, ended in a rant. To borrow from AA yet again:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Good night.
Sometimes I wonder if our continued development requires occasional severe emotional upsets. I mean, what better to upset the status quo that can so easily take over our lives than to be shaken to the core and challenged to improve? Obviously I’m being somewhat general and vague, but yes, this is a question I’ve been wondering as I get in touch with some personality traits that I’m not so very fond of.
Looking back on my life, I know that the majority of my character improvements have certainly started in times of desperation, not times of joy. When I’m happy I feel like I don’t need to improve, things are just fine the way they are, thank you very much. But then I realize I may have become something I dislike, and I’m shaken, and I improve.
Here’s to improving.
Last week my friend Nate was here on emergency leave from the Army. Nate was part of my group of friends from college, and I love it whenever we all have an excuse to get together. Nate is usually that “excuse.”
We don’t live very far apart, but we all are so busy working to further our careers that it’s easy to lose touch for months and months. But then, whenever Nate gets leave and flies here from Hawaii, we all get together and hang out for at least one night. And for that night, it’s as if we are still in college. I love that feeling.
We get together, and no matter what we plan on doing, it always ends up with us standing around for hours (usually outside as we ignore that it’s too cold to be standing around outside when there’s a perfectly good living room nearby) recounting stories from undergrad, making fun of students that walk by, and talking about what other people are doing with their lives. It’s pretty amazing that we have as many crazy stories as we do. For all the people that try to do the “I’m in college so I need to do crazy things to remember later” thing, we just ended up with a ton of insane experiences without trying. I’m not even going to claim that I was the reason behind most of the stories, rather I was usually a participator, observer, or egger-on. The dubious honor of instigator definitely resides in one of my friends who, out of respect to his career, I will call T. He’s the one we harass about accusing people of touching him in the bathroom, the time he ran circles around a freshman talking on the phone (T was dressed solely in his tighty-whitey’s and a Nixon mask) in the parking lot, the drunk-Risk parties, the late-night horrifying-story telling, the pumpkin slingshot, and on and on it goes. And really, the stories don’t mean much to anyone but us. I truly am glad that I got to know this group of people and that even when we don’t talk for 8 months we can pick up just like it was yesterday. And then, at the end of the night, we always talk about our desire to keep in contact more often…and then we don’t. But maybe it will be different this time. I hope it will.
I did realize one other thing: it is weird to see your friends grow into responsible contributors to society. When I look at who is doing what, and the person I know them to be…it truly is a strange experience. I guess we seem grown up to people who didn’t know us back when, but I hope we never take each other that serious.
So I was perusing my friend Dave’s blog and came across his post about Pandora, by the Music Genome Project. After following the link it was so good that I couldn’t just move on with my web browsing life…I had to blog it (lame).
It’s rather simple, you go to their website and type in a band you really like, and that’s when the magic happens. It searches through a database of some sort to find music that is similar to your favorite band, then creates a “radio station” you stream from their website. It’s pretty good quality, and I was pleasantly surprised at the selection of music (in other words, they didn’t just play the bands I know already that sound similar to Rise Against). Good stuff. And if you don’t like the current song, just skip to the next song.
Props to Dave for linking it, and major props to the Music Genome Project.
I just gave out props…how weird is that? -10 scene points for me.
As much as I love my iPod, I miss the CD culture of high school.
There’s something different about my music listening habits. I have so much music at my fingertips (20 GB and counting) that I rarely listen to a CD more than once a day, or even once a week. I remember in high school, and even college, I would get a CD and listen to the thing obsessively for a month straight. I think there was a four month stretch where I had a tape in my truck with Operation Ivy on one side and Let’s Go by Rancid on the other. I just let it play constantly, end to end….and I loved it. Now, I get albums, love them, tell my friends, and then move on. It’s as if I have developed musical A.D.D.
I remember those crucial albums, and to this day they hold a special place in my heart. I will buy anything Rancid puts out, because a) they’re still amazing and b) they were such an important part of my adolescence. Hmm…what other records can I support, that just blew me away?
I don’t think all music now is bad, I’m not that old and jaded yet, I just think records don’t enthrall me like they used to. Maybe it’s because I can afford more music now, so I don’t have to hold on so tightly to every CD I get. Maybe it’s because I have so many options, I become overwhelmed by the choice and can’t stick with anything for very long. Or maybe I am getting old and bored with the same music that used to excite me.
